Thursday, April 29, 2010

An unapplicable question of taste

I was recently informed that etiquette dictates a lady never boast more than thirteen pieces of flair at the dinner table, lest she be considered some sort of Bohemian Gypsy outcast. Even this total seems a little conspicuous- two earrings, two rings, two bracelets, a watch. Save a row of silver buttons pinning me into my blouse, I cannot think of six more embellishments I'd want on my person, unless I was attempting to attract raccoons. What's left is the question of the minimum. If she doesn't sparkle from each angle of the table, is there something of her ladyhood lost or muted? Is there, attached to this rule, an unspoken ideal number we are too polite to mention? Tell me, is this number set a little high to accommodate some distinguished queen with her dozen diamond necklace? Or purposely low, like a dare. Caroline, my darling, in the many books you've read on such subjects, are you the one to tell me how to ice myself appropriately should an invitation of significance come my way?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

25 questions from the front lines

1. Ms. King, can newspapers be fiction?

2. Ms. King, cat eat rabbit? And also dog?

3. Are chimpanzees friendly?

4. What feeling is white?

5. Where does toilet water go?

6. Ms. King are you bigger than a lion?

7. Why is your name Ms. King? It should be Mrs. Queen.

8. Have you been to a nightclub where people are fighting?

9. Why don’t you have a boyfriend? (It’s time for you to look for one.)

10. Ms. King, when you laugh too much you will cry. Why?

11. Ms. King, you were a baby?

12. Ms. King, when I am old I will like girls? I will marry?

13. Ms. King, when I am 18 I will go to aniversity?

14. Can I take this (penny, scrap of paper, random fleck of lint, popsicle stick, etc.) home?

15. Do mosquitoes fart?

16. Do you go on facebook? (My mom’s on it all the time)

17. Ms. King, lions eat polar bears?

18. Was your dad a King?

19. Why didn’t you try to look nice today? (Ms. Leen did)

20. Can you give us homework with balloons?

21. Can I take this stick home to feed my termites?

22. Feeding my termites, that is good?

23. Are you a Christian?

24. Do you miss us?

25. After dismissal are you sad?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Haikus by Grade 2's

Recess was so fun
Swinging in the atmosphere
No one disturbing

Deep, deep nail polish
Please I want to put it on
Please mom I want to

Terrible car crash
almost had a heart attack
bad taxi, bad car

Crocodile pool
It seemed like 2 years ago
but it was last week

Playing with my doll
I made her hair so pretty
Where are her hair clips?