Blog "Gap Year" written off as a creative gestation period
In what appears to be a logical fusion of various life processes that tended to operate in isolation, you are now on the brink of yet another transition. Thank god you are completing the task of graduate school upon the season of your community reinforcing itself once again.
The literal awe ("awwww") of your closer friends and cuzins and their incredibly recent deliveries of healthy little persons leaves you kind of speechless. After all, what an incredible array of tempting selfishnesses are averted by taking the deliberate step of assuming responsibility for another life.
And what you've come to understand is that you too are responsible to these and other persons in your capacity as auntie, friend, teacher. Now someone whose significance you cannot possibly ignore has to live in the world you consent and contribute to. God how Charlie impresses you with her curt deliberateness and oddly sophisticated humor. What a great older sister she will make to newborn Sage. And doesn't Roland remind you of a waddling diapered Jay with big honest eyes standing in your doorway summoning your dog so not long ago? And I can't even speak yet of Calder W, at this writing something like 3 days on the outside,whose little head you can see from the photograph, is rounded like Violet's. He will come to know of his sister through the absolute openness with which he is loved, through the understanding of his big brother's mutual healing and helping in ways he himself doesn't need to understand.
You have a lot of ground to cover still. There are probably at least a few more weeks of staring at computer screens and trying to force your brain into functioning at its peak when all you've fed it is coffee and processed snackfood. You still have a few more weeks of what look like endless piles of undergrad papers who always deserve a little better than what you can possibly afford energy-wise. But anyway, hi blog, how are you? It's been a while.